uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
