turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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