I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
