i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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