so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
