the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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