Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
