I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
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