I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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