Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
