i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
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