I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
