glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
