i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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