What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
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