Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
