she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
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