wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
