drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
