im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
