i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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