its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
