Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
