There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Randomize
