youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Randomize
