I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
