:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
