toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
