there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
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