You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Randomize
