and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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