how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
