There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
