Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
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