You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
NoShamevember. You game?
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Randomize
