She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
