i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
