I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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