im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
My Higher Power is John Stamos
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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