hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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