i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
