Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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