my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
i think i just lost a toe
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
