I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
