so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
