My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
