So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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