Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
