I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
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