True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
