Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
