it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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