If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
