I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Randomize
